Thoughts of March

The Fast has reached its end. What an interesting month it’s been, with hard moments intense enough to make me sick, and high points so glorious, they chased away all awareness of time. I think the predominant theme of this month has been that of a humbling self-education. I am not who I thought I was at the beginning of this month. And yet, though I come away with a sharper understanding of my imperfections, at the same time I bear a higher appreciation of their beauty.

In beholding the magnitude of my flaws with a new perspective, I realize that I can never make any real headway against them within one lifetime. Even if I spent all my life’s energy on just one, I would be worsening a host of others due to a lopsided focus. This being the way of things completely changes my private goals. Becoming perfect is no longer a hopeful dream. In those terms, I’m screwed. Life must be about something other, or Someone other, Whose nature is able to satisfy my soul’s craving for perfection. Even what I identify as my imperfections are only such in the context of the company I keep. I cannot even perfect a knowledge of my imperfections! The whole bubble must be left to burst, being as it is both empty and insubstantial – and thus unworthy of attention.

To what, then, do I direct the labors of my life? Perhaps earlier entries have already pointed the way. For there is one thing, having nothing to do with me or my imperfections, that has the capacity to satisfy me – insofar as I perceive it. I have called it many names: such as Quality, perfection, God. If this truly is the goal, then the only requirements for living rightly are the steps that take me there.