Nature like a question
Fri, 19 Dec 2003 Filed in:
Journal
I will be away for a little while, off
for the holidays to my mother’s house near Irvine, to Phoenix for a
Bahá’í conference and then to Tucson for a friend’s wedding, and to
see the wonderful people there. And after that, I will be teaching
a Persian class at the Bosch Bahá’í School, in Santa Cruz. So the
next entry may not come until after January 12. Meanwhile, as I
watch the wet and windy world pass by my windows, driving up and
down I-280 to visit my brother and sister, I wonder if all that I
see is not the material form of some question: of God’s asking, “Do
you love me?” Because the nature of God, as the best and most
wonderful of all things, makes me think of those movies where a
rich and beautiful woman, trying to find a good and sincere
husband, makes herself seem poor and less desirable in order to
learn the man’s true motives. Can he love her for who she is, or
would he be too dazzled by her qualities, and not himself know why
he liked her? Or perhaps it is like the brilliant genius, whom no
one can properly understand because they don’t share a similar
mind. In his or her search for friends, he is forced to seek out
those willing to love him without demands — because otherwise they
would never accept him for who he is, but rather who they think he
should be. In both of these scenarios, the main character wants the
fellowship of a true friend: not someone who wants only what they
can offer, or is attracted only to how they appear in a certain
light. Each uses a kind of “filter” to screen out the false from
the true, and to identity those capable of loving despite
brilliance, and empathizing without the need to understand. If our
world is such a filter, it would mean that love is the way to step
through the veil. Then all that I see, all the variations and
extremes of high and low, are but the aspects of a single Light,
seen through that veil. All of which ask the question, “Can you
love Me as I am?” Because only if I can say “Yes” to all of this,
can I say yes to Whomever is behind it. Which proposes a different
meaning for heaven and hell: The one being like the man who learns
that the plain but lovely person he fell in love with is in fact
the Queen of the land; or the other being the discovery that the
one he turned down was, in fact, everything he had assumed she
wasn’t. For once the veil is lifted, it is impossible to choose
again sincerely. Happy holidays to everyone! I wish you much joy,
and happy times, with your families and friends — wherever and
whomever you are!